The new house

In our sci-fi house, I have now decoded the kitchen hob. It is an induction stove-top with a fierce sense of morality, refusing to work if takes exception to the material your cooking pot is made of. It takes a minute and a half, or more accurately, ninety seconds, to decide whether the pot it is being burdened with is worth its while. Failing to meet its stringent standards, it switches itself off and turns its face away from the fickle world of humans.

Our blinds are operated by a remote control. If you press the button with an arrow pointing upwards once, the blind opens and lifts itself up. If you keep it pressed, it will merely open up without lifting clear off. If you press the same buttons on an identical remote and nothing happens, you will find, when you are taking a walk towards the other side of the house, that the blinds in the guest room have mysteriously opened up.

We do not have a peep-hole at the main door. Instead we have a mobile phone sized screen with a single button on it, which when pressed, reveals who stands on the other side as seen through the eyes of an unseen camera.

Our garbage unit has been sectioned off into three receptacles so as to make puzzling over each piece of rubbish mandatory. Before you summarily dismiss an object to the netherworld of the Unwanted, you must decide whether it qualifies as Organic or General Waste or Pet containers, the last of which has nothing to do with domestic animals and everything to do with plastic utensils.
Our sensitive burglar alarm cries out deafeningly if you press buttons on an object that looks like a distant relation of your car keys. Our hand-held blender is cordless. Our bathrooms have skylights in their ceilings. One push of a button on the wall and the skylight opens upwards. Another push, and it closes itself again. If you neglect to close it you may return to a puddle of rainwater on the floor.
Out in the garden, there is said to be a pool, which I have not made the acquaintance of so far, across which lies a retractable cover, to be operated by a remote control. However I do not have cause to doubt its existence because a room, in the basement of our house, purported to house equipment related to the pool, can forever be heard purring away. 

In fact the whirr and purr of exhaust fans, dishwasher, electric kettle and other concealed machines combine to keep all of us in a permanent state of fear and awe.


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2 Responses to The new house

  1. Sara says:

    We have to visit u guys 🙂

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